Today is going to be a great day, the event I have been waiting for in a while.
It is not all days a girl gets to have an event where she can showcase herself.
I had my ironed clothes all laid out, my designer shoes on point, my head-tie ready;
wristwatch, necklace, wristbands  and a matching fashion ring- all set.
Least I forget, my nails were neatly trimmed and painted.
I am sure gonna turn heads at the event.
Those guys that have refused to look at my direction at age thirty will have themselves fighting to get a seat near me. I smiled at myself in the mirror. “Girl, you are beautiful!”

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Today is a Saturday, I am not a ‘Yoruba demon’ but I make the ladies drool at events.
First, its my height – I am almost always the tallest at any gathering.
Then, my skin colour; light brown- just perfect…not too dark and not fair skinned…just the right shade.
My Agbada was ready, dry-cleaned by my ever faithful ‘customer’, my shoes were sparkling clean and finely polished, they were glittering so much you could see the reflection of your teeth in it.
My cap was matching of course. “What more does a girl want? I said to myself as I entered my brand new Toyota Camry. I start the engine and gravitate toward the event center.

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I am a married woman but I never leave any stone un-turned when it comes to my look. I can not allow those single girls take front seat, they have to know; I am also in vogue. I deck my self with all the possible accessories possible, apply my make-up, give myself a thumbs-up as I look into the mirror. Satisfied, I enter my car and drive toward the event venue.

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I do not use accessories at all, but trust me, my outfits are from the most luxurious designers you can think of. A first glance at me and I smell of class. I use very light make-up but when I enter events, I would not but be noticed. Today is not left out, I put on my flowing gown, a beautiful coloured pair of stilettos, a nice bag, wristwatch and I wrap my hair in a stylish manner. “Good girl” I say to myself and head for the event.

One hour into the event, the event centre was full. People out-did themselves. Glamour, Class, Luxury, Carriage, Style…just name it.

how do I look?

“Wait, no one noticed me? What did I do wrong, was I over dressed? I thought the guys would be fighting to get a seat near me, the seat near me is even empty. Wow, with all the efforts I put.”

“First, it took a whole lot of stress to get a spot to park my car. No one even noticed my car was new. So many handsome guys, I was not even looking unique. This aint fair at all, with all my swag”

“I was obviously the over-dressed married woman that made people stare with disgust. Someone even had the guts to come over to whisper to me to leave such outfits for single and searching ladies. What a nerve?”

“The gown was looking outrageous eventually. Heads turned but they felt, I was wrongly dressed. It was not a red carpet event; the flowing gown was a no-no. I felt humiliated.”

Four scenarios of people, everyday people, of probably me or you. We allow our clothes and outlook to define us. We put in our best to look good just for the admiration of people. When we do not have the desired admiration, we are weighed down. We begin to ask questions. We allow people determine our self validation, worth, joy, happiness and even esteem. We allow the number of likes on our social media posts define if we made sense or not. We allow the type of cars we ride, type of outfits we put on, the designers  and brands we wear define if we are making success or not.

But as much as these are definitely good things, they should not define us. So throwing it open to you –  “what are the right parameters for self validation?”